The Beginning Read online

  From the pencil that I write, unable to erase anything that is inside.

  Just spellin mistakes but they come as time goes.

  Watching things take shape as my poetry flows.

  I never knew what things could have been.

  I never know why I never did seen.

  The future ahead of me and left the past where it was.

  Not wanting to look ahead nor behind.

  Always having to walk with the blind.

  Don't want to see the future.

  To focused on the past and current.

  Watching it take me away, making me something that I'm not.

  Watching my soul an corpse begin to rot.

  A shell is what I begin holding all the emotions that I can.

  I never know where to look for help.

  I never know where to turn when I seek it.

  The ideas from my head rip me apart from the inside.

  They tormented thoughts are only here to join the ride.

  Here I sit looking down at the blank paper.

  Never knowing which voice in my head to trust as they most seem lower than a whisper.

  Do I, or should I leave it.

  Would I or don't I believe it.

  - Kennie Kayoz -

  What Shall I Do

  I never know anymore about what I should do.

  The girl who I'm determined to be with for the rest of my life is turning blue.

  Blue with sadness, as she feels she can't do anything that she wants.

  Even though everyone can see the smile that her own mother flaunts.

  Her own mother wanting her to not get better.

  So she can be stuck in those four walls forever.

  That isn't the life for her, she needs to get out.

  Even though at times she wants to scream, break shit and get the fuck out.

  She doesn't, she keeps herself calm.

  Wanting for everything to be better.

  When in her life nothing looked any wetter.

  The rainy day as the cloud is stuck above her.

  Knowing that she is stuck where she is.

  But always wanting to go back to that bliss.

  The life she enjoyed once before.

  The life that never have gotten her so sore.

  Never wanting to see the life that she never wanted.

  Even though the smile on her mother becomes more clear as shes flaunted.

  Around the house right in front of her own child knowing.

  That the smile of her own child's torment is showing.

  But here I sit and I feel like I can't do nothing for my wife.

  Except to talk to her night after night.

  Online as we can't be together.

  Since two separate houses with miles apart are keeping her from getting better.

  Allot of weight has been put onto my shoulders.

  Got a wife with a broken leg, an I've been fatherless for almost a year.

  The one year anniversary of the crash is coming up, as I can feel a tear.

  Wanting to run down my face but I have the notion needing to be strong.

  Since there are so many people around me crumbling is what I'm doing wrong.

  I never seem to know wrong from right.

  But 99.9% of my feelings cause me to want to write.

  - Kennie Kayoz -

  New Life

  4E Inc is the site to beat

  We won't settle for defeat

  Blood, sweat and tears,

  Releasing truth, fantasy and fears

  We will be a force to reckon with

  And our former lives will be only a myth

  Because here lies a new life and new times

  A new name and some new rhymes

  It's all the same cause it's still us

  Tryin to break free from all the fuss

  You can say we won't make it

  But in your face we will spit

  We will rise to the top

  And we won't stop

  Cause 4E Inc is the site to beat

  And we won't settle for defeat.

  Puttin in our all to this site

  So that everything will come out alright

  Ain't nothin gonna slow us down

  Not family or this town

  Cause we gonna be on top

  And there is nothing that will makes us stop.

  Crystal Kayoz

  Gonna Be{ Inspired by Fort Minors' song "Be Somebody" }

  Gonna be somebody that makes it in this life

  Gonna be Kennies' wife

  Gonna live life the way it should be

  We're gonna do it, just Shane and me

  Gonna find a way to make it right

  Gonna turn all the darkness into light

  Gonna be someone that you can be proud of

  And be like your glove

  Always there to keep you safe and warm

  Gonna be there for you through every storm

  Gonna give all that I can give

  So that together happily we'll live

  Gonna be somebody who will stand tall

  Gonna be somebody who won't let you fall

  Who will be there every step of the way

  And hold you every night and day

  Gonna make it, just you and I

  Never lookin back and askin why

  We're gonna be strong, gonna succeed

  We're not gonna follow, we're gonna lead

  Crystal Kayoz

  Deal With It

  All ya do is bitch an crab

  Makin my life so drab

  Why can't ya just let me be

  I'm not happy here, why can't ya see

  Ya want control of my life

  But I refuse to give up my knife

  My knife is not real

  But it shows how I feel

  Like I'm trapped so I won't give up without a fight

  Cause deep down ya know I'm right

  Ya make my life hell cause ya won't let me live

  So with my knife, my life I shall give

  All ya do is bitch an crab

  Makin my life so drab

  Why can't I just be me

  Why can't ya see

  That my life is what I want to live

  And I'm tired of ya always taking while all I do is give

  That's it,I'm tired of ya shit

  I'm done, goodbye, deal with it.

  Crystal Kayoz

  Escape

  When all is said and done

  When there's no more time for fun

  I will find my way

  I will seize the day

  I will escape this life I hate so much

  I will throw down life's crutch

  And there will be no more of me

  Nothing left for you to see

  You don't know how I feel

  You don't know the deal

  I made so long ago in the dead of night

  To give up this brutal fight

  To find my escape from you

  And all the shit you do

  I'm living for me not you

  I'm tired of that shit you do

  Tired of how you are

  Tired of happiness being so far

  From reach for me

  So this is all you'll see

  When I'm gone

  Read my words at dusk or dawn

  Don't matter to me

  Cause this is my escape.

  Crystal Kayoz

  Time Has Come

  Sittin here, nothin to do

  Except spend hours, thinkin about you

  How did we get here

  Why am I now so consumed with fear

  What does the future hold

  And why do I always feel like I'm being told

  What to do and who to love

  Putting me below and them above

  No more, I won't have it

  If that's how life is, then I quit

  I want my life to be mine

>   If this is wrong then show me a sign

  Nothing comin my way

  So today must be the day

  That I start over again and live for me

  Out in the open for all to see

  I want to think about you

  I want to be part of all you do

  I'm tired of doin what they say

  Tired of having to stay

  In a world where I don't belong

  Tired of feeling weak when I should be strong

  So this is it, there is no more

  I found you, you're the one that I adore

  4E Inc is what we created

  All this time we have waited

  And now our time has come

  To fly and show the world what we have become.

  Crystal Kayoz

  Baby To Be

  I love you, my baby to be

  Part of me can't wait to see

  How beautiful you are

  Knowing that you'd be the star

  Of my life and heart

  And that this would just be the start

  Of a beautiful life for us

  All the feelings I wish I could express

  To give you all the love I never had

  And same with your dad

  We'd love you until the end of time

  Love you so much it'd be a crime

  I love you, my baby to be

  And I know your daddy will agree

  You were created with love

  You will be sent from heaven above

  Something so precious and small

  We'll never let you fall

  We love you baby to be

  Mommy, Daddy and baby to make three.

  Crystal Kayoz

  Beautiful One

  Here I am, look at me

  What a wonderful sight to see

  Precious angel that I am

  Take my picture with that cam

  How wonderful I will make your life become

  No more feeling useless and dumb

  I want to make you smile

  And feel like all this was worthwhile

  I want to laugh with you

  To be part of all you do

  So please take a picture of me

  While I smile with glee

  I'm happy cause you love me already

  And our relationship is steady

  I'm perfect for and to you

  But that much you already knew

  Look at me, I'm the beautiful one

  Together, our life has just begun.

  Crystal Kayoz

  * UNTITLED *

  I'm sorry for everything I've done

  Sorry that I've taken away all your fun

  Made it so your life has no meaning

  So all you do is your cleaning

  'Round the house you putter about

  Your mind full of doubt

  Thinkin about what could have been

  And how you wish for once you could win

  About how you could be happy

  Instead of living a life that's crappy

  But that's the life you lead

  Everything rushing past you at warp speed

  Yet you stay the same

  And you're the only one who's to blame

  You don't want to change

  You just want a different life in exchange

  Well, sorry, but it don't work like that honey

  Least not unless you got a shit load of money

  Which is something that you lack

  So here you sit in your world so black

  Feelin sorry for yourself day in and day out

  Keeping silent, trying not to shout

  So again I say I'm sorry for everything that I've done

  Sorry for taking away your fun

  But I won't turn out like you

  I won't sit around with nothing to do

  I will be happy and live my life the best I can

  With the man I love, that's my plan

  So good-bye mother dear

  Time to wipe your mind clear

  Cause I'm no longer yours to hold

  You left me out in the cold

  So here I go to my wonderful life

  Being happy and being Kennies' wife.

  Crystal Kayoz

  No End

  Change your life around

  Wipe away that frown

  Time for you to smile

  And do something worthwhile

  This is 4E Inc

  The place that makes ya think

  We post our thoughts for you

  In hopes of bein true

  To our company name

  To make it last forever, that is our aim

  Think of us what you will

  Read until you've had your fill

  There will be many books put out

  So smile instead of pout

  We want to spread the word about our name

  In hopes of geeting a little fame

  Cause we're gonna be here 'till the end

  Just wait and see my friend

  4E Inc is here to stay

  Burning' some bridges along the way

  Thinkin', rhymin', sayin' what's on the mind

  Walk in our shoes and this you'll find

  A life of crap turned into gold

  Once love finally took hold

  Now there's no end to what we can do

  But watch your back or the next rhyme may be about you!

  Crystal Kayoz

  * UNTITLED *

  Here I am, waiting to be seen

  Lookin back at all the places I've been

  Thinkin about where home is

  And how 2006 was nothin but a fizz

  Not much to tell

  Wrapped up in 3 words; it was hell

  Nothing went my way

  Now I'm left with little to say

  2 accidents, almost a third

  My words never to be heard

  By those I want to hear them

  I feel like a rose, rather just the prickly stem

  Never being seen

  Just being stuck in between

  The glass neck of your vase

  Always being a disgrace

  Always being the cause of your pain

  Unless your my husband Shane

  Then you see me as the beautiful thing I am

  Sitting back thinkin 'damn'

  How you got yourself the perfect wife

  And how 4E Inc is your life

  Somebody to share everything with for all of time

  Somebody who shares your interest in rhyme

  So I may be sittin here waiting to be seen

  And lookin at all the places that I have been

  But my 2006 hell is my fuel

  To do what I think is cool

  To be part of something big

  And know that you can't break me like a twig

  Cause I'm strong as can be

  And soon enough you will see

  Together we are a force to be recconed with

  Cause 4E Inc ain't a myth.

  Crystal Kayoz

  Insecure

  I hurt and I cry for you

  Wanting to be with you

  Not knowing what tomorrow will bring

  Just wanting to see that ring

  To feel secure

  To know that it's for sure

  Praying that you're the one

  And my search for love is finally done

  I feel inadequate for you

  Like everything I do

  Is wrong in some way

  And this may be my last day

  To say that I care

  That you're my teddy bear

  So why am I so sad

  Why do I feel at me you're mad

  How do I not cry and not hurt

  How do I not feel like dirt

  How do I truly know that for you I am the one

  And that all this time was not just for fun

  What is wron
g with me

  In me, what is it that you see

  Do you want to marry me for sure

  Why am I so damn insecure?

  Crystal Kayoz

  Missing You

  Why do I love you so

  Why does it always hurt to see you go

  Watching it bein to fade away

  The happiness I felt today

  Inside I die

  Saying othewise is a lie

  Feeling so very alone

  Back to missery as I groan

  Please don't wake me

  This is how I choose to be

  In bed hiding from it all

  'Cause at least here I can't fall

  Safe with my thoughts of you

  Knowing I have nothing else I'd rather do

  Than see you in my mind

  'Cause there you're easy to find

  Back to reality I must go

  The happiness you see is just for show

  'Cause how can it be true

  I'm here instead of with you.

  Crystal Kayoz

  My Passion{ Inspired by NAS' song "I Can" }

 

  I know that if I work hard I'll be who I want to be

  And then it will be up to you to see

  That I have changed and I'm a different person than I once was

  And 4E Inc will have all the buzz

  'Cause we are holdin on for life

  Usin words as our knife

  Being who we want to be

  I'm livin life for nobody but me

  I gotta work hard so I can be where I want in life

  Bein happy usin words as my knife

  I know I can do this

  So don't sit 'round and diss

  Me 'cause I'm doin somethin with my life that you ain't

  You just sittin 'round feelin faint

  'Cause I'm makin your world spin

  Wonderin why it's me and not you who's gonna win

  4E Inc is giving me the chance

  To work on my passion, my romance

  My words that express it all

  Bein a pick me up when I fall

  So I know that if I work hard I'll be who I want to be

  And then it will be up to you to see

  That my life is gettin good

  Perhaps this is somethin that should be understood

  I ain't nothin great

  But this is my fate

  Writing and lovin what I do

  And if you don't like it, then screw you!

  Crystal Kayoz

  So Down

  Sittin here all alone

  Wishin somebody would call me on the phone

  'Cause we had a little tiff

  Now I sit and wonder what if

  Things could have been different had I kept silent

  But now I feel as though things have turned violent

  Not with actions but with spoken word

  And I feel as though I have not been heard

  Never felt so all alone

  So uncertain of the future and all that is known

  Never felt so unloved

  Never felt like I've been shoved

  By merely words spoken

  To be left feeling so utterly broken

  To feel so down

  To not know how to smile, only frown